Next thing I know she is on the phone to the school and I am snug in my nice warm bed. After she would leave for work, I would take my blanket and pillow and find my spot on the couch. . . for the rest of the day!!!!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Next thing I know she is on the phone to the school and I am snug in my nice warm bed. After she would leave for work, I would take my blanket and pillow and find my spot on the couch. . . for the rest of the day!!!!
Monday, October 5, 2009
She told the doctors she didn't know she was pregnant. She was dieting because she couldn't figure out why she was gaining weight. Then she was hurting pretty bad and went to the bathroom. Low and behold, she lost all that weight she had gained, right into the toilet!!!
She ended up being fine, the baby went to the NICU and never went home with his 14 year old mother. Instead he went home with a foster family after living in the hospital for about a month. He had no one except for the nursing staff and doctors for the first month of his life. What happened to him after that I will never know. I just have to trust that he is still alive, happy and healthy and with a forever family who loves him as their own.
What concerns me is that this 14 year old girl was pregnant and her mother didn't have a clue. What are we teaching our kids these days? Are we talking to them or are they learning by our actions? How can things like this happen?
I know it is not all that uncommon anymore for a young girl this age to be pregnant but are we doing anything to stop it from happening? These kids aren't ready to be raising kids. They can't even take care of themselves let alone be responsible for another life. Who is teaching them to respect themselves? Where was this baby's daddy?
My heart breaks each time I think of this situation. It has been 6 years since this incident happened. Where is this baby now? He would be in school already. Does he know someone loves him?
My heart breaks that we don't pay enough attention to our children to let them be children. . . to teach them what is right. . . .to give them what they need and deserve.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
She had a bad case of pneumonia. However it was not just pneumonia she had. While inpatient they discovered she was not just HIV+, she had AIDS. This was very difficult for her to believe, as she stated she was NOT a drug user and had not had sex in 6 years. Not since her son was born.
Nonetheless, it was in fact AIDS. She was angry, almost hateful even. She was not very nice to the staff, and would not even talk to the social services people who were trying to help her. She was convinced it was not AIDS. There must be some mistake. She was sure she didn't have what they said she had. She demanded those words not even be said in her precense.
After being in the hospital a total of about a month and a half and after many tests, many new medications, many procedures, she went home. She went home with home health to care for her. She went home to spend what time she had left with her son, who during this hospital stay also learned that he was HIV+ as well.
How can a person live that long and look so frail and sickly and never learn the fate that is set before them. Did she not go to the doctor? Did she not have the financial means to get there? Did they not test her while she was pregnant? There are so many questions here.
Where did our healthcare system fail this family? Will it ever get better?
What can we do to ensure that each person has the health care they need and the education that is so important?
I am seeing this all too often. People come into the ER for what they think is something so simple. However they don't have a family doctor because they can't afford one. They come to the ER and probably don't even have the money to pay that bill and the hospital ends up writing it off. Then while they are in our ER, they learn that because of lack of healthcare, they now have a very serious illness. One that will now take their lives because they did not have proper preventative care. Now they have to live what life they have left with AIDS, lung cancer, breast cancer, an inoperable brain tumor. . . .
Our country as a whole needs to be focusing on education. People need educated!!! It is not just the middle or lower income people who are having this issue. It is also the higher income people. Those who just think they will live forever. Don't have time, don't want to spend the money to go to the doctor. Or maybe they have the attitude that, "It won't happen to me".
Let me assure you, it can happen to any of us at any time. These terminal illnesses do not discriminate. They don't care who you are, who your parents are, how much money you have or how important you think your life is. If you don't take care of yourself and have regular check ups with your doctor you could be that person that finds yourself in the ER with what you think is an easy fix, just to learn that it's not that easy.
Ladies, go see your OB at least once a year. Teach your daughters about annual exams, and how to do a self breast exam.
Gentleman, have your yearly check ups as well. You are not exempt. Teach your sons how to do testicular exams. Did you know that men can get breast cancer too??
When you become of age for colonoscopies and mammograms, GET THEM!!! Early detection is the key!!!
If you have questions, make an appointment to see your doctor. Don't let these things go!! Love yourself and your family enough to take care of your body.
There is a young man who will now grow up without his mother. There is a mother, who will miss out on the majority of her son's life. She will probably not live to even see his 8th birthday. Could this have been changed if she had been having regular annual check ups with her doctor? Who knows. There would have at least been a better chance of them catching it earlier and prolonging her life.
Educate yourself and the ones you love!!!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
In honor of September being Ovarian Cancer Awareness month, I thought I would do a little education. All information below can be found here.
Ovarian cancer is the 5th leading cause of cancer-related deaths in women ages 35-74. It is estimated that 1 out of 58 women will develop ovarian cancer during her lifetime.
If diagnosed and treated early, and the cancer is confined to the ovary, the 5-year survival rate is over 90%. However, because the symptoms are not specific and because of lack of early detection only about 19% of all cases are found at that early stage. Like many other cancers, the survival rate decreases, when it is caught in later stages.
According to the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition, there are more than 30 different types of ovarian cancer. This type is determined by the type of cell they start from.
For more information on the types of ovarian cancer and the stages, click here.
Symptoms of Ovarian Cancer
- Pelvic or abdominal pain
- Trouble eating or feeling full quickly
- Feeling the need to urinate urgently or often
- Upset stomach or heartburn
- Back pain
- Pain during sex
- Menstrual changes
These are vary vague symptoms, many of which women deal with on a regular monthly basis. However, when the symptoms persist and do not subside with normal intervention, it is IMPERATIVE to see your physician.
Screening tests are available and should be discussed with your physician, especially if you have a family history of ovarian, breast or colon cancer. You are also at risk if you are over age 35 and/or have undesired infertility. A pap test DOES not detect ovarian cancer, it detects cervical cancer.
Screening tests for ovarian cancer include:
- Pelvic Exam
- Transvaginal Ultrasound
- CA-125 Test
If you or someone you know is at risk, please click here and learn more about detection, stages, treatment, risk factors, and prevention of Ovarian Cancer.
You can also contact the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition Helpline (1-888-682-7426) to get more information or to find support services in your area.
Don't take your health for granite, make regular visists to your GYN!!!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
She laid in her bed yelling out. "Daddy. . .! ", "Oh, my God, what's happening to me?" , "Brian!"
I think she was yelling out the names of her children. Daddy was refering to her husband of more than 60 years. Each time she yelled out a name, it was a long drawn out cry. It was breaking my heart. It was making the rest of the nurses and other patients crazy.
I kept hearing those famous words, "Can't you give her something?"
At 83 yrs old, Mrs. Springer was experience a nightmare within her mind. The only problem, she wasn't sleeping. I couldn't wake her up from this. I was in her room about every 5 minutes. Trying everything to distract her, reassure her, listen to her. Nothing was working. I was at my wits end. The nurses who cared for her the last two days said this was her behavior for 2 days straight. They had given her everything and nothing was working. They had tried Ativan, Haldol, Dilaudid and nothing was making a difference. They were not even helping her sleep.
She had a recent joint replacement and had returned to the hospital with a Soduim level of 119. She had pulled out a foley catheter, and 3 IV's. She was refusing food, and at times combative. I believe all of these behaviors were due to the fear she was feeling, which was in turn caused by the confusion, caused by the low sodium. A domino kind of effect.
Finally I got her to be quiet enough to hear me ask if she was in pain. She just let the tears flow and nodded her head yes. I repositioned her in bed, gave her alot of pillows and tried to make her comfortable, put her TV on the music channel and let her listen to very soft, quiet music. Then I gave her 1mg of Dilaudid through her IV. It took about 30 minutes and she was fast asleep. This was about 9pm. At 5:30am I hesitated to wake her because she had slept all night without waking up. But I had to draw her labs. I had waited as long as I could.
She was very cooperative during the lab draw, however it didn't take but 20 minutes for her to start yelling again. I thought about giving her more Dilaudid, but the last dose had her alseep for so long. It was almost morning and I didn't want her to sleep the whole day. She didn't really have anything else I could give. I offered her a drink, fed her some pudding, and went to my next blood draw of the morning.
Ringing down the hallway was the sounds of a crying, weak voice. . .
"What's wrong with me?"
"Where am I?"
"I've lost it. . . . I've lost it!"
Over and over she yelled "I've lost it, Oh my God, I've lost it!"
I went back to Mrs. Springer's bedside to try to talk to her again.
Me: "Mrs. Springer, what is wrong? Are you hurting?"
Her: "NO! I've lost it!!"
Me: "Lost what?"
Her: "My mind, it's gone, what's wrong with me?"
Me: "Mrs. Springer, you are not well right now. Your sodium level is low, that is why you are
feeling this way. We are working to make it better. You will be your old self before you
Her: "Oh my God! I've lost it! Just call the patty wagon! I'm done for!"
Me: (doing all I can to not laugh!) Now Mrs. Springer, I promise you we are working on it. The doctor will be here to see you soon. Your levels are improving it is just taking some time.
This was obviously doing no good. She continued to yell, and cry. There was no consoling her. I called the doctor and got an order for Ativan. She only gave me an order for 0.5mg IV ONCE.
Yep, it worked until shift change. Imagine day shift coming in to this poor lady yelling. That was all they needed to hear to go ahead and come to the conclusion it was going to be a terrible day. I assured them the doc had told me he would be making rounds early. They could expect him within the next hour. The look of horror on their faces didn't change.
I worried about her all the way home. Praying that she was able to find some peace within her mind. That they could find a medication that would calm her at least long enough to stop the torment she must have been experiencing.
Lessons to be learned here:
- Low sodium causes major acute confusion
- Confusion causes torment
- Tormented patients who are confused need a patient nurse
- Nurse has to be someone who knows how to pray for peace
- Peace may not come for days for the patient or the nurse
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Here is how it relates to chocolate. Before menstruation the levels of the hormone progesterone are high. This promotes fat storage preventing its use as fuel. This in turn may cause a craving for fatty foods. One study stated that 91% of chocolate cravings that were associated with the menstrual cycle occured between the time of ovulation and the actual start of menstruation. These cravings were most intense in the late afternoon and early evening.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Well here it is. I was really smart on this and waited and plotted with some other day shift girls for a couple of weeks. I wanted to make sure that the thoughts of payback were gone from my friends mind. There were two girls under the bed that grabbed my ankles, and I only went after the one that came up with the idea.
I had worked day shift this particular day. I went home took a quick nap, met my friend for a late dinner and then we were going back to work for the night shift. I had already had it worked out with the girls that were going to coming off shift when we got there. They were almost more excited about this than I was.
While we were at dinner, I told this friend of a new resident who was admitted that afternoon. He was very angry. His family pretty much brought him in and left him. He didn't want to be there and was yelling alot. He pretty much wanted to be left alone. I warned her that if she went into his room to approach him carefully as he had been combative earlier when the other girls had tried to bathe him and such. I also told how he liked to lay in bed with his head covered up, like Mr. Lambert does down the hall. She knew exactly who I was talking about, another gentleman that slept that way. I told her, don't pull back the covers without talking to him, it made him real mad and he took a swing at Jackie today.
She fell for the story hook, line and sinker. I was so suprised. I didn't think she would really believe all that mess. However, we had several combative residents, so this was not all that uncommon.
We came on for our shift at 10pm, got our assignments, listened to report and I told her I would catch up with her to start passing our ice water in minute. I was going to the bathroom before we got started. She thought all the evening shift people had left. I went around the corner "toward" the bathroom but never went there.
A call light went off and she went to see who it was. It was "him", the new gentleman. She went into the room, and sure enough his head was all covered up. She gently touched his arm, which was also under the covers, and asked him if he needed something. She was so sweet when she talked to him. He didn't respond. He didn't move, didn't say anything. So she shook his arm a little and spoke to him again. Again. . . nothing. She then gently started to pull back the covers. Just as she did that. . . .
the "new resident" stood straight up in the bed and made a funny/scary noise at her. She yelled and ran out of the room.
It was the funniest thing I had seen in a long long time. I was watching from the bathroom in the residents room. I knew that I would never be able to pull this off by myself. Had I been the person in the bed, I would have laughed and ruined the whole thing. Jackie was great. She was my "new resident".
Payback was complete. We were even! And we laughed about it all night!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Thank you very much AuthorBlog!! I am very honored that you choose my blog for your Post of The Day (POTD) today!!
Two of my "dear friends" who knew my fears, had planned this all night. They had been the ones to push that call button. What was so funny is that one of them was sure I wouldn't be able to scream. We had talked about fearful times before and every time I had been in a situation where I should have been scared enough to scream, my mouth would come open but nothing would come out. So they felt it pretty safe that no noise would come from me.
Monday, June 29, 2009
She loved her family even though they didn't visit, even if she was mean to them too, and even when she couldn't remember who they were.
After several tests including x-rays, MRI's, a lumbar puncture, and blood work up they diagnosed her with Transverse Myelitis. What is Transverse Myelitis you ask? I am going to give you the short version since I have also left you with a very informative website. The website is where I am getting all my information for this post as well.
This is an MRI of the thoracic spine (the part between your neck and your lower back). The grey solid area in the middle is your spinal cord. The white area where there is an arrow (very difficult to see) in the spinal cord is the area of inflammation. The really white areas that kinda outline the solid grey spinal cord is CSF (cereberal spinal fluid).
Transverse Myelitis is not limited to age, sex or race. There does not have to be any family history of this for you to have it. Most cases occur however, at the ages of 10-19 and 30-39.
It is a neurological disorder that is caused by inflammation across the spinal cord. Inflammation can actually damage or destroy myelin, which is the fatty substance that insulates and covers nerve cell fibers. This ends up causing scaring on the nervous system that interrupt communication betweent he nerves it the spinal cord and other parts of the body.
There are many things that can cause Transverse Myelitis, such as viral infections, insufficient blood flow in the spinal cord, complications from syphilis, measles, lyme disease, certain vaccinations (ex: chickenpox and rabies). It often developes following viral infections such as varicella zoster, herpes simples, cytomegalovirs, Epstein-Barr, influenza, echovirus, HIV, Hep A, and rubella.
Because some affected individuals also have autoimmune diseases such as systemic lupus erythematosus, Sjogren’s syndrome, and sarcoidosis, some scientists suggest that transverse myelitis may also be an autoimmune disorder. In addition, some cancers may trigger an abnormal immune response that may lead to transverse myelitis.
An acute, rapidly progressing form of transverse myelitis sometimes signals the first attack of multiple sclerosis (MS), however, studies indicate that most people who develop transverse myelitis do not go on to develop MS. Patients with transverse myelitis should nonetheless be screened for MS because patients with this diagnosis will require different treatments.
Symptoms may develope over several hours to several days/weeks. Usually starting with lower back pain and/or sudden burning, tickling, prickling or tingling in the legs, as well as partial paralysis of the legs. This paralysis usually progressed from the legs to the lower part of the trunk. Bladder and bowel dysfunction is very common. The patient will likely feel general discomfort, headache, maybe a fever, loss of appetite and muscle spasms. Depending on the area of the inflammation on the spinal cord, some may even experience respiratory problems.
There is currently no effective cure for Transverse Myelitis. Treatment is meant for managing the symptoms and really depends on the severity. Steroids to degrease the inflammation, they also reduce the immune system activity since there is also suspected autoimmune involvement. Then there is pain control. The goal is early treatment and keeping the boy functioning, while waiting and hoping for some kind of spontaneous recovery of the nervous system. Physical therapy place a huge role in this, with range of motion and keeping those muscles moving.
Recovery typically begins within 2 to 12 weeks of the onset of symptoms and may continue for up to 2 years. However, if there is no improvement within the first 3 to 6 months, significant recovery is unlikely. About one-third of people affected with transverse myelitis experience good or full recovery from their symptoms; they regain the ability to walk normally and experience minimal urinary or bowel effects and paresthesias. Research shows that a rapid onset of symptoms generally results in poorer recovery outcomes.
Many people with Transverse Myelitis only have one episode, however there is always a chance it can rare it's ugly head again. When/if it does return there will likely be more workups for underlying causes such as MS or systemic lupus erythematosus. Most people who have more than one episode have some kind of underlying disorder.
Now that you have had some education, let me tell you that I have seen this many times in my years of nursing. It is very scary for the patient and family. One day you have control over your own body and the next day, you can't move! People think they are just tired, been doing too much, and pretty much let it go. Thinking they just need some much needed rest.
This particular patient I cared for after she had already spent over a week inpatient. She was scheduled to go to an inpatient rehab hospital for intensive Physical and Occupational Therapies. She was diabetic, had been on 1000mg of Solumedrol for 5 days. That is ALOT!!! Her blood sugars had been hard to control because of all the steroids, so she was having to deal with that aspect as well. They also had her on Baclofen to help with the muscle spasms, as well as low doses of Vicodin for pain. While in the hospital she was also receiving therapies. She had a foley catheter, because she was unable to urinate, and she was having trouble with her bowels. They just didn't want to work.
Her husband was amazing! He never left her side. He was right there caring for her and doing whatever it was she needed at that moment. Her spirits were good. When she was admitted to the hospital, as I stated before, she could not move ANYTHING from her belly button down. The day I had her, the day prior to her discharge, she was able to lift her left leg (the first leg to be affected) off the bed. Now, she was not able to lift it far, but she did get it off the bed. She also couldn't hold it for long and was unable to hold it against pressure. But she was making progress.
Her attitude was amazing. He kept me in stitches all night. She and her husband both should have been stand up comedians. Most patients of this age would have found themselves in a heap of tears and doom. Looking only at the possibility of never being able to move again. Not this young lady. She knew she was going to recover fully and have a full normal life.
I have not heard of her or seen her back at my hospital since that night. My prayer is that she did recover. That she is home with her husband, living life to the fullest!
Friday, June 26, 2009
* 3 IVs
* 2 Small bowel feeding tubes
of the picture is what is inserted into the rectum.
It is then inflated like the picture above to secure placement.
The other end of the long tubing is connected to a collection bag.
As the night progressed, he became more and more confused. He was increasingly agitated and began hallucinating. He was seeing birds in the room, he thought there was a fire in the room. He also told the doctor how beautiful her ears were, they looked just like those of a baby deer. He was so sweet when he said it, he was sure he was giving her the grandest compliment.
He ended up with the Fentanyl every 3 hours; 2 mg of Ativan every hour, and 5 mg of Haldol every 3 hours. I calling her before I gave any of it because he really wasn't going to sleep. He was calming down some but it was really hard to keept he mask on him. He kept taking it off. I was so afraid all the meds were going to catch up with him and eventually knock him on his butt! The doctor was calling me about every hour (when I wasn't calling her) checking on him. There was so much charting to do just to keep up with what we were doing with him. And then there were my three other patients.
Now you tell me what causes someone to change mental status so quickly!!! I worried about him and the day shift nurse the whole time I was off that day. And within less than 24 hours he is totally a different man!!!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
I have to say I absolutely loved, loved, LOVED it!!! There are a couple of songs in it that have brought me to tears at times and also made me think back in my life of different times.
This particular song, "Defying Gravity" makes me think about my time in nursing school. See, many of you who read this really don't know me. Not the real me! So let me tell you a little.
I was an "OK" student in high school. Really? I did just enough to graduate, nothing more! I had a high school counselor who actually told me after I took the SAT's that I wouldn't even be able to get into a community college because my scores were so low and my grades were not good enough in school. So I might as well decide now to try something else. That was a real downer!! Actually, I don't ever remember in all my high school years ANY school counselor, acedemic advisor, teacher, or any other adult leader, telling me what classes to take or advising me on things to do to actually make it to college. No one telling me that I should take the harder courses not just the easy ones.
I decided to try college anyway. My grandmother was an elemetary school teacher and the job I had as a high school student was working in a day care. So, how hard could it be to become a teacher. I liked kids. So I thought I would try that. Maybe kindergarten, since the older kids really just mostly made me angry with their attitudes. Well, short version, I did get into the local college. I again didn't have much help putting my class schedule together and ended up with a crazy schedule of pretty in depth classes the first semester. Needless to say, I didn't do so good. I hated it actually. So I guess I proved that high school counselor right when I decided to quit school after a semester and a half!!!
Back to working at day cares and minimum wage jobs for me!! That was not going to land me anywhere fast. I then ended up in a nursing home working as a CNA for a long long long time. I watched as the nurses would get burned out. I watched as I would get angry at lazy nurses. I watched as the older CNA's would struggle with their job because of their age, yet this is what they had done all their lives and couldn't/wouldn't do anything else. I knew that I didn't want to be a CNA forever! I couldn't live on that kind of money. This is where I also decided that maybe being a nurse was for me. I wanted to be better than those nurses who were just there for the paycheck. I wanted to be a nurse who really cared.
I fianlly decided to go to nursing school. (that decision in itself is a whole other post!) I was 29 years old when I walked into class for the first time. There were many people who thought I was crazy. Many people who thought I didn't have what it took. And some who thought I wouldn't make it at all. There were also moments when I myself thought I was drowning and wouldn't make it through. Being in classes with those young, right out of high school kids who had planned for years to be a nurse and took all the biology and anatomy they could in high school was pretty intimidating! I had alot going against me at different times during my college years. I cared for a grandmother who had Alzheimer's. I also helped care for a mother-in-law, who had Alzheimer's, and I had a family! It was by far the hardest thing I have ever done. AND looking back, I truly feel that I did EXACTLY what I was supposed to do. I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be in my life. I have no doubt about that at all!!!
I really did DEFY GRAVITY!!!
Below are the lyrics to that song from the musical Wicked. Every time I hear it, I think of how I overcame the odds and made something of myself!
(I did leave off some of the lyrics at the end, but this is the jist of it)
I no more got that order written and sent to the pharmacy, that I hear his pulse oximenter beeping. His oxygen had dropped to 82%. . . and he was already on 3L of oxygen. I called the RT (respiratory therapist) to get the neb treatments now, and put him on a 50% venti mask.
She came to the ER because she was "turning yellow". She was in her 80's had already suffered and mostly recovered from a stroke a few years earlier. She had just a few minor residual effects from that stroke. In the ER they did a scan, admitted her to the general med floor where she stayed for 3-4 days. She learned during this stay that there was a mass on her pancreas. Not only was there a mass, but she had cancer, it had already metastasized to her liver and basically she was told there was nothing they could do for her. She was not a surgical candidate and really it was too far already to start treatment.
The family all gathered around and took shifts staying 24/7 with their mother as the doctors worked to find ways to improved her quality of life. To see if there was anything that could be done. They changed her to a DNR, and were making plans to take her home to die at home.
Issues. . . her INR was off the charts!! I am not sure I have ever seen one this high. We were giving her Vitamin K to help reverse it and decrease the chance of spontaneous bleeding, but it was not working. After several doses of Vit K the INR results were left unchanged. Her liver was not functioning enough to make the clotting factors needed to bring the INR back down. The original plan was to get the INR down and send her home.
The night I cared for her, was crazy. I had the Resident on speed dial and he spent many hours talking to the family, and on the phone with me. The patients IV went bad. We were giving her fluids to help with her blood pressure because it had been so low, she was also receiving antibiotics through the IV. I pulled the bad IV with the intentions of starting a new one, however that didn't work out. When the bad IV was pulled, the bleeding started. I held pressure on that spot for literally one hour! That is not a good thing when you have 3 other patients on your assignment. I called for help from another nurse who tried to start another IV while I held pressure on the bleeder. He tried twice to get the IV and both times the vein would blow then more bleeding. The doctor was called about the IV site problems then came questions from the family. I spent many hours at the bedside of this sweet lady. Comforting her, answering questions and trying to help them make sense of this sudden diagnosis and what to expect. They were a very attentive family. They loved her very much and that was evident. They wanted to make sure we were doing everything possible. They were fine letting go if that was the only option, they just wanted to be sure. They were scared, and I could certainly understand that.
She didn't get much sleep that night. It seemed there was a reason for me to be in that room at least every hour. Then when morning came and it was time to check vitals again, her blood pressure was 70/40. At this point I again called the in house Resident. We both thought there was probably internal bleeding going on. It only made sense. When the patient saw this blood pressure on the Dinamap, she looked at me as serious as could be and said, "I'm dying aren't I?"
HOLY COW!!! What am I supposed to say to that? I sat on the corner of her bed, held her hand and as gently as I could I told her the truth. That is what she wanted. I told her that the blood work was not good. I explained about the INR being high, I explained that the blood pressure wasn't good but that we were going to see if we could get it up. I also told her that as she knew the prognosis wasn't good. This was not new news to her. However I didn't think she was going to die today. Her daughter looked at me with tears and asked if they needed to get her other children in town. Some of them lived out of town and even out of the country. I told her daughter that it would probably be a good idea, however I nor the doctors would be able to tell them when she would die or how long she really had. That was up to someone much bigger than us. The patient squeezed my hand and thanked me for being honest with her. She said she already knew all of this but still felt she needed to ask.
My heart was breaking. She was so sweet and was so brave. She laughed and joked and told stories and treasured the time she had with her children. If she herself was fearful at all she certainly didn't show it. At one point all the family had stepped out of the room for one reason or another and the two of us sat on in the room, just us, and I prayed with her. I prayed that God would give her strength, that He would ease the pain she felt and keep her at peace with what was before her. I prayed for her many children and grandchildren that they would be able to handle this journey as well. That they would hold on to all that was good about their mother. We together prayed for safety for the children that were traveling. I could tell this was difficult for her, however she faced it with such courage. Not letting on that if there was one ounce of fear.
She went to the inpatient hospice unit the very next day. She knew she would never again see the inside of her home. She knew that this was where she would spend her final days with her children and grandchildren by her side. She was resolved that this was what was left of her life here on earth.
She lived about a week longer. Honestly, it was a week longer than I expected. She passed peacefully with her family at her side. She savored all the moments she could with each of them until God decided it was time.
I will never forget her smile. . . her courage.
I go to work thinking that I am there to help my patients, to care for them and hopefully bring some form of healing to their lives, their bodies. What I learn is, that most days, the patients that I care for are really bringing some form of healing to me. I take a piece of them with me at the end of my shift. Whether it be the patient who is dying, the one who has tried my very last ounce of patience, or the one that is a simple post op that will stay 24 hours and go home. I learn something from each of them. And, my heart is forever changed. . . . on a daily basis!
I am to identify 6 uninteresting things that I love and then pass this task on to 6 others. This is not as easy at it sounds. I think my life overall is pretty uninteresting and how fun is it to share uninteresting things with people who don't know you well, ya know like all 12 of you who actually take time out of your busy day to read this blog.
So I guess here goes. . .
1. I love to people watch - I could go to the mall and sit there for hours on end just watching people. I don't really like to shop so sitting on a bench would suite me just fine! You can learn alot about a person just watching.
2. I do love spreadsheets (not that I like to admit it - so let's just keep this between us ok???) - keeping a list and putting things into a spreadsheet keeps me organized. Sometimes it is the only way to take what is twirling around in my head and make it make sense. I have done a spreadsheet for house cleaning, for how to care for our dogs, for our finances, for vacation planning, for items needed to be purchased (when we were building our house), for my work schedule. . . you name it and I can make a spreadsheet for it. Most people I know think this is pretty "geeky" (is that a real word??), but it works for me!
3. I love to read other blogs - my family thinks it is crazy, and mostly a waste of time, but I love to have that little window into the lives of other people. Maybe because it takes my mind off of mine for a while, maybe because their life is a little more exciting than mine, or maybe because it makes mine look less crazy. Who knows, but I do love it.
4. Crossword Puzzles - this is a new thing for me. But I am starting to like it. . . does that mean I am getting old. I always thought it was older people who did crosswords, but I caught myself searching the hospital giftshop the other day for a crossword puzzle book that I could actually do. You know the easy ones. That is where it all started. They banned facebook from the hospital computers so on my downtime at night when all patients are sleeping and things are quiet (however we never ever ever EVER say that "Q" word outloud!!!!!). I have been working crossword puzzles. Unfortunately for me, my nights have not been "Q" enough lately to even have a chance to pee, so that book is not good and broke in yet.
5. I absolutely love love love musicals!!!!! - We own a ton of DVD's and given the choice I would rather watch a musical than any other kind of movie. And better yet. . . see it in real life! I don't think I have many friends or even family that share this same love for music and theater and I don't get to do it near as often as I would like. I could probably name every song from every Rogers and Hammerstein musical. If there was a trivial pursuit category on musicals, you would definately want me on your team! I love them! My dream (in regards to musicals) is to see a real live Broadway show actually on Broadway!
6. I check the obituaries daily - does that totally make me strange? Many of my friends would say so. However, I have cared for many many people in my career. And sometimes that is the only way to find out what ever happened to them. You can learn alot about a person from their obit. Ok, so don't think I am totally nuts or obsessed with death. I just like to be in the know. . . ya know?
This did take some thinkin' power. But now I am supposed to pass this along to 6 other people, to do the same. Please check out their blogs as I have listen them because I feel they are worth reading. I am choosing blogs I read often but don't comment on alot. I have to admit I am a terrible commenter, even though I love love love it when people comment on my blog. Guess I will have to work on that huh?
the cutest little girl I have seen in a
She also gives her mama
Maybe because I love neurology who knows.
I can totally relate to many of his stories though.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Then there are those days that I remember that God truly placed me in this profession. That if it weren't for Him holding my hand and clearing my mind, I would have never made it through nursing school. That if it weren't for the life experiences I have had, that God allowed me to go through, I would not have the compassion that I have to take care of those difficult patients. If it wasn't for his constant reminder that we are ALL His precious children that keeps me from becoming totally irate with those our of control patients who abuse their nurses verbally and hit and bite and kick and yell, and, and , and. . .
I have been exhausted by work this week. Haven't been able to get enough sleep. Been surrounded by death for the past two weeks and that in itself is exhausting. I have been presented with:
1. A patient who was dying of pancreatic cancer. Who didn't even know it was there until they were admitted to the hospital. Who at one point looked at me with fear in their eyes with one question. . ."I'm dying aren't I?". Who had a 4 day hospital stay then transfered to inpatient hospice. Whose family was amazing and realistic and stayed at their loved ones bedside holding on to every minute they could get.
2. A patient who was admitted with meningitis who has had head trauma in the past and because of that was "just not right". Who insisted on taking pictures of me with her cell phone. Who was laughing hysterically one minute and screaming from a headache the next. Who was impulsive and unsafe. Who refused to bathe and was so incredibly dirty my stomach turned from the smell of the room. Who I am not sure even realized they were dirty or that there was anything wrong with that. Who put their call light on literally every 10 minutes just to make sure somene would come when they called. Who really wanted to get home to their 2 year old daughter. Who I couldn't believe actually had a 2 year old daughter. . . . . who had to have social services intervene due to mental status.
3. A patient who had ischemic bowel who was 95 years old who was dying because surgery was too risky with the other health issues. Who's family along with the patient decided to make themselves a DNR. Who's family decided that along with no CPR they still want every blood draw, every test, every intervention possible done to safe this poor person. Who is having to be stuck with a needle multiple times a day for blood work and IV starts because an IV won't stay good. Who's family doesn't want to put them through getting a central line. Who has a very large family with no less than 5-8 people in the room at one time 24 hours a day. And this nurse doesn't have the heart to tell them to leave. And this nurse sees and sense the fear in the family that this is really the end, as they hold on to everything they can to stay in control. Whose family asks the same questions multiple times during a 12 hour shift, seeking a different answer than they got the first time.
4. A patient who was admitted with venous status ulcers all over their calves. Who lives at home with home health changing the dressings daily, however the dressing were no longer white gauze and kerlex, they were brown from filth. Who, when in the ER had cockroaches crawling out of their clothes, and dead ones their body. Who refuses to go to a nursing home where they can have real help. Who has no family to advocate for them. Who had nurses practically refusing to have them on their assignment because of the cockroach issue. Who was totally alert and oriented just unable to care for themselves physically.
5. A patient who was virtually blind from diabetes, obese, and on dialysis. Who was left in a car while a spouse was shopping in a store. The heat was too much and they were brought by ambulance to the ER because they were unresponsive. Who's blood sugar was 50 in the ER. Who was mentally, not intact. Who was impulsive, out of control, and very difficult to care for. Who had diabetic ulcers on their feet that were dressed in week old dressings. Who didn't notice the stench when the dressings were removed and who couldn't feel their feet when the wounds were being cleaned and redressed. Who has already had most of their toes removed and will probably end up with complete foot amputations before it is over. Who needs to be in a nursing home instead of living at home with a spouse who can't care for even themselves. Who social services is now involved with.
6. A patient who was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Who thanked me each time I walked into their room. Who is slowly recovering and getting better after several days inpatient. Who will most likely go home with oxygen because they can't seem to keep their O2 levels high enough on their own. Who has an incredibly outlook on life. Who is 88 years old. Who didn't mind that there were labs to be drawn at 4am. Who smiled even when I said, "Your IV just went bad and I need to start a new one." Who made my day by telling me I was a great nurse and they hoped I was back for another shift. Who made my night totally worth it!!!
Nursing is my ministry and I am OK with that. However, what I have learned over the years is sometimes it is the patients who minister to me. Even when it is a bad day, even when the circumstances of my shift may bring tears to my eyes, whether tears of sadness or frustration. Even when I don't agree with the politics. Even when I am among the cliquishness and cattiness of some of the other staff. Even when . . . . .
I know I am in the place God wants me to be. I know this my ministry. I pray that God will use me in whatever way, to bring comfort to the people I care for each night. I pray that God will use me to be an example to those few co-workers who just can't see past themselves.
This is my ministry!